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Splitopia Engaging and groundbreaking Splitopia challenges outdated negative assumptions about divorce with sharp wit searing honesty rigorous research and intimate interviews and offers guidance for healthier happier splitsWhen Wendy Paris announced that she and her husband were separating friends forecast a tsunami of devastation—for both of them and their child But as Paris would discover divorce has improved dramatically in recent decades due to changes in laws and family structures advances in psychology and child development and a new understanding of the importance of the father Yet disapprobation and fear persist In this incisive book Paris cuts through the moralizing and myopia and explores the new cultural phenomenon of the “good” divorce Splitopia chronicles Paris’s own divorce in real time; shares insights from happily divorced couples international experts and the latest research; and follows her own divorced parents’ possible reunion Splitopia calls for a flexible view of how we wed and how we part and offers support for creating loving families whatever the legal relationship status Divorce is no one’s first choice but as with other difficult unwanted experiences it can lead to growth deeper connections and a fulfilled life

  • Hardcover
  • 336 pages
  • Splitopia
  • Wendy Paris
  • 10 February 2016
  • 9781476725512

10 thoughts on “Splitopia

  1. Donna Hines Donna Hines says:

    For a divorced single mom of 3 I thought this book was a good read It addressed some concepts that are relatively new such as mediation however it did not address the fact that many court judges and those handling civil lawfamily law are unskilled with high case loads and treat each case as a number without the emotional euivalent I hired what I was told was a pit bull in the courtroom she herself divorced After 4 lengthy yrs of court battle and having a mediator wo taking our divorce to court we did settle However we settled only because I only wanted what I was entitled to by law which Wendy addresses each states divorce laws custodysupport amounts are online I settled because material possessions are not as important as family In essence I walked away from the euitable distribution which having a husband who inherited our marital home was also a topic left out of discussion There are many factors when deciding to divorce and many factors that way heavily on the way the divorce becoming amicable and friendly I was left homeless bankrupt raising 3 kids alone wo incomeassetssavings I had no job having given up career and dual masters degree to raise family alone while my spouse worked 5 states away w weekend only visits throughout entire marriage So upon divorcing not much changed in terms of visitation I can say how you choose to deal with the cards your dealt decides your road to recovery Having married a narcissists proved next to impossible in the courts to manage and the courts lacked the knowledge to deal with personality trait disorders and high conflict cases The only way to process it all is through having good boundaries and no contact which this book did address However the judges awarded my spouse repayment for paying the mortgage on our home we were forced to eventually vacate when our power was turned off for lack of payment while awaiting 15k arrearages for over a year This very home was inherited which in my state of PA that is considered a gift and the spouse has no right to claim other than the increase value if any from date of marriage Our judge awarded repayment to my ex and wiped out the arrearages making me repay 5k from the child support that was garnished a yr later resulting in not enough to live 782 month for family of four I had to hire two additional lawyers one for divorce the other bankruptcy to try to clear it up and deal with the mess We eventually went after his income issued warrant for his arrest and had to garnish the next job he acuired but it meant chasing him because many jobs were temp or grant funded I was asked if I wanted him in jail for failure to pay however as noted in the book our family was dependent on his income therefore it wouldn't have helped us so you do have to way that issue I wish I could say everybody can be rosey and rainbows with their ex spouses but sadly that's not the case for all of us I believe by staying close it also limits your ability to move forward and find a compatible partner Sometimes it's best to simply walk away set those boundaries and try to re establish oneself having it all marked in legal documents to avoid going back to court Documenting everything is crucial In the end I'm much happier and the kids are happier now My exspouse is residing with a new married womantarget and I pray she gets out before he abuses her but you can't make others addressaccept facts I will note that this book addresses some good points for discussion for those who did not have abusive situations or hostile spouses and for that I gave this book 3 stars Great read overall

  2. Maggie Finney Maggie Finney says:

    Author Profile Wendy Paris Splitopia When there’s a 5050 chance of getting divorced once in your lifetime nothing makes sense than to be prepared in case of a such a rude awakening In fact 40% of kids are born into non married families Instead of looking at divorce as a tragedy Wendy Paris wrote a guidebook of how to have a good divorce Splitopia is a memoir guidebook of Wendy’s experience of having as perfect of divorce as a perfect weddingChapter one begins with the statement “Many people assume divorce destroys relationships but some former spouses get along better after they part Fears of being single miserable and broke tend to be overblown My husband and I set off on a uest to separate together” This is the overall objective of Splitopia After divorcing her husband Wendy sought out to write a model guide for people who want to stay in good partnership with their ex In a recent talk at The New School Wendy Paris expressed “No one goes into marriage wanting to get divorced People always look at the negative but I wanted to look at the positive side” Paris has a MFA in creative writing from Columbia University and is a freelance journalist having had clips in The New York Times and Psychology Today Guidebook form writing is her forte with two books prior to Splitopia Happily Ever After The Fairy Tale Formula for Lasting Love a dating guide full of humor and Words for the Wedding 1000 uotes on Love and Marriage a wedding planner guide Now with Splitopia Wendy has written about every phase in a relationship and doesn’t plan to stop She’s mentioned the idea of writing another book about co parenting after she settles into life post marriage Her son is eight years old and they live in Los Angeles Her and her ex husband still live close to each other and get along better as exes now than they did when they were married “It’s hard for people to understand how you can love someone and then hate them but not love them then like them in small doses” Paris says There is an audience for this kind of book but there’s nothing uite like Splitopia Wendy has a background in psychology having written several articles for Psychology Today and wanted to write a scientific but relatable book on divorce Her divorce gave her clarity and she seeks to help others going through this kind of event in their lives “Having space and getting clearer on what you want and what you want to give” Wendy says “I seek for me and my ex husband to be model people with a good divorce” Splitopia is a fast and intriguing read and definitely puts a different perspective on parting ways with a partner

  3. Linda Linda says:

    I read this book after finding a lot of comfort and guidance in her essay along the same lines published in the NYTimes A lot of the book deals with divorces involving children and family court but not all of it For me a childless person some of those chapters were irrelevant to my life but still societally and legally interesting Other chapters in the book were extremely helpful and thought provoking for anyone seeking to be better in their romantic post romantic and family relationships

  4. Orsayor Orsayor says:

    Sometimes Marriage isn't ForeverInformative read for anyone considering divorce separated or newly divorced

  5. Carrie Marston-Jennings Carrie Marston-Jennings says:

    Excellent advice

  6. Yasmin Yusuff Yasmin Yusuff says:

    Author Wendy Paris found herself in a marriage which felt unfulfilling However she still respected her husband and wanted to keep him in her life and importantly in her eight year old son’s life as well She wondered if there was such thing as a happy divorce Through speaking with peers psychologists and her own experiences on this topic Paris crafted this book as both a therapeutical guide for those who have experienced a divorce either in their own or a loved one’s life What was previously perceived in history as a failure in a relationship and in vintage years a failure in life is now becoming a normal occurrence This book is a game changer for all of the people who ever felt stuck in a marriage but had their family in mind or didn’t want to completely cut ties with their spouses Paris’ has stated that overall summation of her philosophy is “to not take your spouse’s personality personally” She encourages divorced families to take joint vacations and to still be involved in each other’s lives This method somewhat follows the 1950’s style marriage counselor advice of working through the problem together to keep the marriage intact except with Paris’ spin the marriage staying a solid relationship is not the primary objective as it was then It is a book that is in sync with today’s modern relationships thus making it the perfect model for the modern divorce

  7. C C says:

    Wendy Paris and her husband split and made a point to keep their separation and divorce amicable She chronicles this process and includes different ways to help adapt communicating with each other adapting to single life managing loneliness perspective and to make the process go smoothlyBecause we live in a culture where we are taught that divorce is one of the greatest evils and must always be contentious and riddled with bitterness and conflict we don't learn that there may be a better way One where you don't drag each other through unnecessary hell in addition to grieving your relationship and one that allows for the potential of a new different relationship to form in its placeI think the one thing that jumped out at me was It only takes one person to make a good divorce I liked her advice on handling loneliness and isolation Overall it was a good read and I think one worth considering when looking at other books on this subject

  8. Heidi Gilbertson-Gansberg Heidi Gilbertson-Gansberg says:

    A great help in gaining a updated perspectiveThis book really helped me gain a modern and confident perspective on separation and divorce I enjoyed that it was informative yet read like a novel I gave it 4 stars instead of 5 because I don't think everyone would glean what I did from it My husband and perhaps many men would not likely have the same take aways It is written from this woman's perspective and experience so I see it as most beneficial to other women facing divorce

  9. Sjb Sjb says:

    I was very happy to read an advance copy of this book Very relatable and uplifting with Wendy's own story interspersed with expert analysis It has a lot of good information about relationships whether divorced or married I plan to send a copy to a friend facing a divorcePractical advice on moving and resetting up a home and interesting anecdotes from many perspectives

  10. Sherri Sherri says:

    I'm calling this a must read for anyone early in separation or divorce Tons of good information and anecdotes on how to split well with plenty of phew it's not just me moments Edited to add Not everything in here will work for all people and there will always be hard But this book helps

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