Cupid's Poisoned Arrow From Habit to Harmony in Sexual

Cupid's Poisoned Arrow From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships Okay so this book is very repetitious VERY For the need for editing to cut the book by 23 I would give this book a star or two BUT for the ideas I would give it five stars So despite the drastic need for editing I'm giving it all five starsBecause the ideas are worth getting to They really are At least they were for me The book gave me scientific reasoning to explain why my marriage is so awesome Basically what we've been up to is bonding instead of mating It was great to have someone explain it and even give us all the science behind it the chemicals released during bonding vs the chemicals released during mating If you want to have a better relationship with your spouse and feel like sex is problematic this book could be gold OR if you're like me and have a great relationship and wonder if you're missing something by not doing what everyone else is doing this book will be enormously helpful and validating Either way it's a win One reading tip You'll probably read the first in depth chapter about the two week cycle orgasm creates and be amazed Then as you start the next chapters you'll probably think to yourself Didn't I read this already? Yep you did Skim forward until you hit a chapter later on where it all seems new again that will be the chapter that introduces the science behind bonding instead of mating Then after you've read that and turn to the next chapter and think Didn't I already just skim ahead Watch for bits that stand out to you Really this book could have been so much shorter So Much Shorter And I wish it were because then I would wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone Of all the books I've read on sexuality and sexual relationships this one has actually been the most helpful to spell things out and help me see the why behind it all It's also probably the most poorly edited Alas But really check it out from your library and give it a look Nice book that directly rather than wishy washy and ethereally discusses the Taoist lovemaking the physical ramifications of orgasm based sex and channeling energy between partners Very practical with sound examples Through reading this book I'm FINALLY connecting as to why after I sleep with someone I don't want to be around them and would rather throw them away and move onto someone new And why even with my best efforts sex still seemed like combative showmanship in orgasm achievement Fascinating book and I highly recommend it Will update my review upon completion For those who simply want the science first read the 'How Do I Explain This Book To My Friends?' A Synopsis Of Key Ideas section at the end of the book then begin reading at chapter 4 ILL I keep dreading reading this to do an adeuate review Next time just do one chapterRead the Goodreads description of this book It was probably written by the author This book does NOT have the newest neuroscience As far as I know it uses ideas out of context and junk science Not in the mainstream of science at all about KerrezaIt gets one star because I don't like this book It doesn't steer people in a usefull direction IMHO However it is clear alright just clearly wrongBiology has plans for your love life Elephants in the living room A whale's tail At the heart of the separation virus The passion cycle The road to excess Outsmarting our sneaky genes Science that binds Bridging the gap The path of harmony Any uestions? Zing Cupid’s arrow skewers a primitive part of the brain Obediently we fall in love amid showers of passionate fireworks bond for a time and then often get fed up with each other and grow irritable or numb Perhaps we try to remodel our mate seek solace online or pursue a new love interest Ancient sages recognized this biological snare and hinted at a way to dodge it use lovemaking to balance one another and harmony arises naturally  With an entertaining blend of personal experiences the latest neuroscience and forgotten insights from around the globe Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow confronts current assumptions about sex and love and offers a refreshing practical approach to sexuality From the Trade Paperback edition What I like so farGood argument but no solid conclusionTo be clear there are no actual studies that Karezza in and of itself saves marriages or rebuilds lost passion in a relationship However the reason why this book is very interesting is that the author has collected enough science and research from neurology zoology anthropology and psychology to make a very compelling case that orgasm centered sexuality creates an undesired neurobiological reaction that is responsible for lost romantic passions I like that What she does is essentially put together a lot of puzzle pieces to start a conversation about a topic that hasn't been widely exploredCurrently I doubt there could be any studies about this as this sexuality style is so fringe that literally no one has heard about it But I'm sure in about 10 20 years ifwhen it becomes mainstream we'll finally get some studies to validate her research but until then What I didn't like so far Too Much Spiritual New Age Jargon Overly Strict Attitude The Author Takes About KarezzaThe author's chapter system works in such a way that in between chapters she includes pieces explaining how the knowledge of Karezza style sex has been part of many religions philosophies and even some long forgotten psychology practices Ok that's cool But for the rest I find the talk about energy exchanges throughout the book and the inclusion of YinYang system in her intimacy building exercises in the back of the book her Ecstatic Exchanges really annoying kinda inappropriate and cringy Sure I'm open minded enough where I can see past that and get to the bigger picture but still If you're targeting everyone and trying to have this book pass as research on sexuality and psychology it's best for the language in this book to stay frank and scientific The other problem I have is that she discourages sexual excitement and arousal during intercourse even when this advice isn't strongly supported in her book as her advice against orgasm centric sex Many of her ecstatic exchanges intimacy building exercises are very platonic and actively suppress sexual excitement and arousal as much as possible To an extent based on her extensive research I can get behind this with the Ecstatic Exchanges but at the same time she seems to forget or bypass that there are other ways to practice Karezza intercourse and that ranges from cuddling while your partner's penis inside of you to edging getting as close to an orgasm as possible without actually orgasming All the while partners have still commented on overall improved intimacy and mood So with that also being said none of her research has ever concluded or suggested that arousal or sexual excitement causes mood shifts or the passion cycle In fact in many of her chapters she hints that before the orgasm creates a dopamine crash your dopamine and other healthy neurochemicals rise during arousal and excitement So? Yeah I think when some psychologist studies this and writes a follow up book 20 years in the future they are going include open ended instructions and a franker straight forward discussion of the topic Until then I'll be patient since she and only a handful of others are pioneering this topic so there's going to have to be room for some bullsht In a similar way that Greek philosophers pioneered democracy but also had room for bullshtor how Freud pioneered psychotherapyand had plenty of bullsht to go along with it too IN CONCLUSION apart from the New Age stuff words cannot express how much I appreciated this book and hope to one day try this out with an open minded partnerWhile I will try a lot of her ecstatic exchanges the ones that make sense to me I still want to do this my way The bigger picture I get from Karezza is that it's pretty open ended so long as it's bonding based and lacks an orgasm This book offers insight into the neurochemical changes that take place during various stages of romantic relationshipsencounters As a person who likes to learn about mind body connections it was really interesting for me to learn about how the early infatuation stages of a romance are neurochemically speaking pretty much like being on drugs I had uite a few a ha moments reading this The book not only explains in simple terms which neurochemical changes take place and what causes them but also how to circumvent your primitive procreate and move on programming and move into a bonding based experience with your partner which is less focussed on inducing orgasm I like that every alternate chapter highlights ancient practices from around the world which were used long before there were scientific studies and technologies to prove their effects on mind body well being All in all highly recommendable for everyone interested in this topic even if some of the theories and suggestions are perhaps subjective and dare I say open to sexploration ; I'm very ambivalent about giving this book 4 stars because of the many instances where the author misrepresents or cherry picks scientific studies to support her thesis For reference I am currently a working neuroscientist but in my former line of work I studied the psychology of addictive behaviors The author unuestioningly embraces the dopamine reward hypothesis and a naive interpretation of brain plasticity The dopaminereward hypothesis has been effectively criticized by experts as overly simplistic eg The mysterious motivational functions of mesolimbic dopamine by Salamone et al though non experts like Robinson represents it as though it was gospel Regarding brain plasticity Robinson probably vastly overemphasizes the importance of plasticity in the development of maladaptive sexual behavior; although admittedly the research about the heritability of sexual dysfunction is scarce it would have helped her thesis to emphasize that many individuals might be predisposed to sexual dysfunction and might have masturbated compulsively even in the absence of pornographyHowever these criticisms aside this book advanced a thesis that is both highly novel and potentially destabilizing to the current paradigmatic secular liberal understanding on sexuality reject religious proscriptions regarding sex sexuality euals liberation This book is I suspect the first drop in what will eventually be a torrent of scientific books examining the notion of pornography as a potentially addictive superstimulus A really interesting perspective on the biological neurological and psychological conseuences of orgasm Thoroughly engrossing the facts and research as well as the 'ancient wisdom' tidbits spread throughout really make the book fun to read It gives a lot of insight into our own behavior and can really help you acuire focus If you're in a relationship already I definitely recommend it for both partners to read together and share with each other it's that kind of book Could having too much sex be ruining your relationship? Yup turns out it can This book dives into why we do what we do and how we can use the different parts of our brain to not only have fulfilling relationships but be happier in generalI'd recommend this book for anyone who wants to make their relationship work and work well after the initial 1 2 year honeymoon periodThis book was repetitive in parts but I liked it It helped me learn and retain the information

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